amazing grace

Oh brother, where to even start on this thing? I didn't think I'd ever be one of those people who had a blog, I didn't think it was stupid or anything, just didn't think it was for me I never really had anything to write about. But now I find myself really needing some kind of release and I don't want to talk to the people closest to me about this junk..soooo here I am. This first one might be kind of heavy, so I apologize but I have to get this stuff out before my brain explodes.

Basically the last 3-3 and 1/2 years I've been walking around on auto-pilot, and haven't been living the kind of lifestyle I should have. Being a Christian almost my whole life I knew in my head and most of all my heart I wasn't living the way God has called me to, but mainly because of apathy and the people I surrounded myself with I still didn't care that I was living an unholy life. By societies' standards there was nothing wrong with me, I never did anything illegal and I was a "good" person, but slowly I began lowering the high standards I had for myself each day. Anyway, I could go on about that for much longer but the point is that somehow, for whatever reason something clicked in my head again and told me that I HAD to get back on track and make things right with God. I am so so so thankful for the Lord's infinite love and grace through all the times we are so stupid and when we go astray. For so long I couldn't feel his presence and I longed for it, for the tiniest little spark just to know He was still around and I got nothing. Then I realized that He was never gone, He never left, it was me my heart wasn't in the right place and I had been pushing Him away the whole time. How amazing is God's ever forgiving grace when we need it the most!

This brings me to someone very close to my heart- how is it that you as a Christian are supposed to sit by and watch someone close to you live their life in an un-Christlike way when they were raised in the church? It breaks my heart to watch this person in their daily life, with their kids, with the relationship they are in (which is not a holy one) and have Christ not be at the center of any of that..simply because of apathy. It's really difficult for me to sit by and pray for this person and accept that that's the only thing I can do. It hurts me too much that church and Christ used to be a priority to them and now it simply doesn't even matter anymore. So I'm asking anyone..what are you supposed to do?

Anyway, if you made it to the end of this post thanks for reading. I'm sorry if it seems random but I have alot on my mind right now and lots of thoughts keep popping up!